Trials Part One

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Season 3: Trials
TrialsPartOne.png
Trials Part One
Run Time 46:00
Release Date October 22, 2016
Track Listing
1 0:00 Intro
2 1:30 My Robot Messiah, Pt.1
3 11:26 How To Change Your Life
4 15:14 Sweet Little Kevin
5 18:02 My Robot Messiah: WHO IS ALPHA-RED?
6 19:42 The Force is a Brotherhood
7 21:21 Force Stories: Life of Brothers
8 22:26 Please Give Me Back My Body
9 24:06 Something Terribly Offensive
10 27:52 My Robot Messiah: QUESTIONABLE ACTIVITIES
11 29:38 Walk The Plank
12 33:03 You Have To Relax
13 35:35 My Robot Messiah: SALE EL SOL
14 37:38 Cruisin on my Bike
15 40:03 The Immigrant Song
16 43:14 [[Trials Part One#
Previous Album:

Judgement

Next Album:

Trials Part Two

Trials Part One is the first album of Trials, the third season of The Minute Hour. The album was released on October 22, 2016, contains 16 segments, and has a run time of 46:00. The album contains 10 previously released episodes and 6 new segments that tell set up the story of ALPHA-RED.

Overview[edit]

Trials Part One is a transitional album. It still largely a collection of previous episodes, but introduces the concept of a new story interwoven throughout the album. All but one of the new segments expand on the story set up in "My Robot Messiah, Pt. 1", while the last is an extension of "The Force Is A Brotherhood".

Intro[edit]

"Intro" contains scattered clips from the rest of the album, set to "Take Off Your Shoes" by Cliff Martinez

My Robot Messiah: WHO IS ALPHA-RED?[edit]

descrition

Force Stories: Life of Brothers[edit]

description

My Robot Messiah: QUESTIONABLE ACTIVITIES[edit]

description

My Robot Messiah: SALE EL SOL[edit]

description

My Robot Messiah: SEVERED CONNECTION[edit]

description

Transcript[edit]

The following transcripts are believed to be complete, but they still need to be formatted.

Intro Transcript[edit]

{music starts, distorted clips from other segments fade in and out}
EXECUTIVE SCIENTIST:
Why are they always so FUCKING EVIL?
MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER:
I murdered him!
I murdered that man!


{whispering} Hello?
BROTHERHOOD RECRUITMENT OFFICER:
Friends and family, of crime fighting men!
ALPHA-RED:
Give me back my body.
Give me back my body, please.
{pause}
Pleeeeaaase!
BOSS:
I grab him hard and I bop! I bop him on the head with my head!
PSYCHIATRIST:
You are not insane. (you are not insane)
You are not insane. (you are not insane)
ANNOUNCER:
Thank you for joining us, welcome to American Odyssey: The True Story of Real Thuddy Drums.
{fading out and slowing down} Our hero is Real Thuddy Drums: American Music Icon

{music fades out}

My Robot Messiah, Pt. 1 Transcript[edit]

1:34Hey could somebody get that door? 1:38Is this seat taken? 1:40No. 1:49It's gonna hatch any minute. 1:51Door! 1:53Think it'll work? 1:56No. 1:58You seem pretty sure. 2:00'Bout as sure as the melon on my little dick. 2:05What? 2:12Ladies and gentlemen, 2:15what you are about to see 2:16is the culmination of decades 2:19of collaboration in the scientific community, 2:23and a hundred thousand decades 2:27of human experience. 2:30Growing in the silicon crysallis before you 2:34is a sentient android 2:37whose cybernetic brain is entirely self evolved 2:41through millions 2:43upon millions 2:44of lifecycles imposed on it. 2:47In each life simulation, 2:51it learns. 2:53We believe that this robot 2:57will be be able to guide us into the future. 3:02Alright. Alright. 3:04It's time. 3:07Everybody, 3:08meet Dana! 3:12Gah! 3:17Gyuuh! Ah! 3:25Ahh! 3:29Oh my god! 3:31Oh my god! 3:36Dana? 3:38Dana! 3:45Dana. Yes. 3:47Welcome to reality! 3:51You-you are stunning. 3:53you are stunning 3:54you you you are magnificent! 3:59Okay I don't- I- 4:00Okay I don't know what he's doing. 4:01Alright, Dana? 4:03With all your human knowledge 4:05in all observable time, 4:07What are your first words? 4:12*VRRRRRRRRRRR* 4:15*ring* 4:19*bing!* 4:20[DIE.] 4:23Oh god DAMMIT deactivate it! 4:25[GO FUCK YOURSELF!] 4:30Everbody not in the research team, get out! 4:33Yes, keep going! 4:33(AAAAHHH Oh my god!) Yes, keep going! 4:34(AAAAHHH Oh my god!) 4:35You stay! You! 4:37(OH MY GOD!!) 4:37Get over here. (OH MY GOD!!) 4:40Why 4:42are they always 4:44so FUCKING EVIL?! 4:48*cough* 4:49Twelve iterations! 4:52Oh you fucking- Nobody knows? 4:54Nobody knows what the issue is? 4:57They are self evolving 4:59in to ripe little homicidal PRICKS 5:03in their chrysalises! 5:05Uhh, chrysalees 5:08chrysalees? 5:10chrysaLEES? 5:13Uhhh I- I dunno. 5:17What is your name? 5:20Uhhh I dunno... 5:23I dunno. 5:24Hey. 5:24I dunno. 5:25Hey hey. I forgot. 5:26Hey hey. What's your name? 5:27Ow! Hey hey. What's your name? 5:27Hey hey. 5:28Stop it! Hey, 5:28Hey! 5:29Stop it! 5:29Hey, it's okay. It's okay, just tell me your name. 5:30It's Chris! Hey, it's okay. It's okay, just tell me your name. 5:31Hey, it's okay. It's okay, just tell me your name. 5:32It's Chris! 5:33It's Chris! 5:35Chris... 5:36Christopher? 5:38Chris.. 5:40Chris- Christopher? 5:42Christopher. 5:45Chris. 5:47You know when you were fired from this project? 5:51Ummm... 5:52No. 5:56You missed it Chris. 5:57It was just now. 5:59Just now. 6:00Ye- 6:01*groooan* 6:02Yeah. 6:02Wha-? Are you gonna cry? 6:03Are you gonna cry? 6:04Awww but- Just now you got fired. 6:05Aw, okay you gonna cry now? 6:05But! Aw, okay you gonna cry now? 6:06Aw, okay you gonna cry now? 6:06Come oooonnnn! Aw, okay you gonna cry now? 6:07Come oooonnnn! 6:09I worked so hard on the freakin' thing! 6:12Jeez! 6:13Yeah, well what you worked so fuckin' Jeez! 6:14Yeah, well what you worked so fuckin' 6:14This is what we've been workin' on for years! 6:15Yeah, well what you worked so hard on This is what we've been workin' on for years! 6:17sucks fat fuckin' dick and And then you just- just fire me? 6:19YOU are a MEANINGLESS TURD. 6:21And I would rather SNEEZE BACKWARD 6:23Awww this doesn't feel good! And I would rather SNEEZE BACKWARD 6:26into my BRAIN than LOOK at your 6:26This doesn't feel appropriate! into my BRAIN than LOOK at your 6:28DUMB MOTHERFUCKIN' FACE! 6:30Aww yeah well you know you got a mean streak! DUMB MOTHERFUCKIN' FACE! 6:30Aww yeah well you know you got a mean streak! 6:32You know, I mean come on, you gotta admit, 6:34don't you think this a little frikin' ridiculous? 6:36You kinda flyin' off the handle right now? 6:39No, I'm firing you. 6:40But it's okay, you can have this moment. 6:42Ooooh shame on you! 6:45Shame on you! 6:47For shame! 6:48And be gone with you! 6:50And- 6:51And off with his head! 6:53Aw this is rich. 6:55Aw thi- thi- this feel JUST right! 6:58This feels JUST right on 7:00the tip of my little dick! 7:03And I can't wait, 7:04I can't wait to get home 7:06and put my little dick, 7:08in one of my- my little dick melons! 7:11So fuck you! 7:16Okay. Okay. 7:18That's enough. 7:18Yeah, my little dick melons. 7:21You know, this- this job has been such fucking torture 7:25I mean, we can never meet your expectations, 7:27we get- we get no positive reinforcement, 7:30that my only respite 7:32from my sad, 7:34lonely life, 7:36is that at the end of the day, 7:38with no anxieties, 7:41and no hurt, 7:43I warm up a melon, 7:45and I put it on my little dick. 7:48And I don't think that that's so bad. 7:52And sometimes, I just leave it on there. 7:56And see how long it'll stay 7:58without me holding it with my hands. 8:01Sometimes I'll take an ambien beforehand, 8:04and then it's just a- a- a- a race to the floor. 8:08Between me and the melon. 8:13Okay, Chris, you WERE fired for being incompetent, 8:16but now I'm firing you for being a creep with a little dick. 8:20*co-workers grumble* 8:22Oh I'm sorry, is there a fuckin' problem with that? 8:25Um, sorry boss, but uh, 8:28if that's the reason you're firing Christopher, 8:30you're gonna have to fire me too. 8:33Yeah, me too. 8:38And me. 8:40And me! 8:40Yeah, and me! 8:42And me. 8:42And me! 8:43And me! But I'm no creep! 8:45I just have a tiny little dick! 8:48I mean, it's normal for me 'cause I'm soooo small! 8:52But for a big-time human woman, 8:54they aren't gonna like it. 8:56I accept that. 8:59Okay, the mystery is solved then. 9:02The reason we can't get a fuckin' Jesus robot, 9:05is because all of his parents 9:07are creeps with little dicks! 9:09Oh, no creep in here, 9:10just got a tiny little ding-dong that I can fit inside of a keyhole! 9:14Uh, I also don't have a dick because I am a woman. 9:17Ugh, the PC brigade? 9:20You fuckin' bitch? 9:21Hey. you can't call me a bitch! 9:23Okay, you're right. I'm sorry. 9:25You're FAT. NEXT! 9:27I don't care if it's perfect anymore. 9:29Right now, I want it to work. Okay? 9:32I want this robot to be able to blow the president! 9:38Or go down on the president! 9:41Retards, disperse! 9:44Ah- *clears throat* Uh, yeah, I dunno if we can do that 9:48because the- the original intention of the project 9:51was to make an android with collective human experience. 9:55The only reason it would work is if it's free from our rule. 9:59We can't be in charge of something 10:01that's designed to be in charge of us. 10:04I mean, there's- there's just no logical workaround to it. 10:08I mean I think we learned that 10:10ten years ago with AlphRed. 10:13Listen to me. 10:15THAT. 10:17IS. 10:18your fuckin' JOB. 10:20So figure it out. 10:23And I don't wanna hear 10:26one more MENTION 10:29of ALPHRED 10:31for as LONG AS YOU CREEPS 10:34ARE PUTTIN' MELONS 10:36ON YOUR LITTLE DICKS!

How To Change Your Life Transcript[edit]

CHARACTER
Do you wanna change your life?
It's a simple question, just answer it.

11:41Do you want to? 11:42You want to, right? 11:43Of course you do. 11:43Of course you do! 11:44Everbody does. 11:46Nobody likes what's going on, okay? Ever. 11:48That's my first news flash: 11:50never nobody likes anything ever when it's happening ever. 11:54So then of course you wanna change your life, so how you gonna do it? 11:57How are you gonna change your life? 11:58Seriously. 11:59Seriously ask yourself that. 12:01How? 12:02How could it even be possible 12:03for me, ME, 12:05to change my life? 12:06Okay? I used to be disgusting. 12:09I used to be a disgusting, 12:12fat, 12:13SUCK of a man! 12:16I was an alcoholic 12:17eating balls of mozzarella on a mattress on the floor! 12:22Watching videos of people dying! 12:25I was a mindless robot. 12:29Y'know- not even! 12:30Because a robot has a function! 12:33I was robot shit! 12:36If there was a robot designed 12:39to shit scrap, 12:40for no reason, 12:42I would've been the heap of scrap 12:43that came out of that robot's ass! 12:48You wanna know what I did with that person? 12:49You wanna know what I did with the old version of me? 12:51I MURDERED HIM! 12:54I murdered that man! 12:57I fucked him up! 12:58With an ax! 13:01I left him BLEEDING and DYING 13:03in a fucking grave 13:04that I made HIM DIG! 13:07Oh and I laughed. 13:10I laughed 13:11as he begged for his fuckin' life! 13:14Please! Please! 13:16Please, I- I- I can change! 13:18I can do- 13:19I'll do everything differently! 13:20I can change, I can change! 13:22CHANGE? I can change, I can change! 13:23You can't change! 13:25You can't change 13:27because there is no YOU anymore! 13:31And I poured gasoline on him. 13:33(Oh my-) 13:34And I lit a match and I tossed it in! 13:35(Oh my god!) And I lit a match and I tossed it in! 13:37(Please, God!!) And it set him ablaze! 13:38(AAAAH!) 13:40And thick (AAAAH!) 13:41black smoke covered the screams! (AAAAAAAAAAAH!) 13:44(AAAAAAAH!) 13:45And I danced around the magnificent pyre. (AAAAAAAH!) 13:48And I danced around the magnificent pyre. 13:48(AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!) 13:50And I raised both my arms (AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!) 13:52to the heavens 13:53and I shouted: 13:55NOW I MAY FLY FREE! 13:59And I pointed 14:01one finger into the depths 14:04and SCREAMED: 14:06MAKE 14:07THIS 14:08ONE 14:09SUFFER! 14:11A flash of flooding light 14:17Ooooh oooh ooh 14:20yeaaaa 14:21yeaaaa In this moment, 14:22yeaaaa my mind was a needle 14:23In this moment 14:23The ashes of time 14:24In this moment The ashes of time 14:24my mind was a needle The ashes of time 14:25my mind was a needle my mind was a needle The ashes of time 14:25my mind was a needle The ashes of time 14:26my mind was a needle my mind was a needle The ashes of time 14:27In this moment The ashes of time 14:28The ashes of time 14:31In this moment, 14:32my senses came to me. 14:33My senses came to me. 14:35And I opened my eyes. 14:36(And I opened my eyes.) 14:38In this moment, for the first time. 14:40And I opened my eyes. 14:41For the first time. 14:43Burned awaaaaaaay.

Sweet Little Kevin Transcript[edit]

{sound of a door opening and closing}
BIG KEVIN:
Alright, it's bedtime, Kevin. You want a bedtime story?
LITTLE KEVIN:
Yes.
BIG KEVIN:
Okay.
This is the story of Little Kevin.
{sound of a button being pressed, music begins}
BIG KEVIN:
Little Kevin was the sweetest, littlest boy in all the land.
With his teeny-tiny tap shoes, and his itsy-bitsy baseball bat, Little Kevin went from town to town, spreading his magic to all the children.
Little Kevin loved the children.
He loved to hear them laugh, and it made him proud to make others happy.
Little Kevin's daddy, Big Kevin, was also very proud of Little Kevin.
Little Kevin was his pride and joy. He gave meaning to every day of Big Kevin's life.
And there's nothing, nothing in the world, that Big Kevin would keep from Little Kevin.

16:30Which is why I have to say, 16:31Kevin, last night, 16:34your mother and I got in a fight, 16:37and, 16:38your mother wanted Daddy out of the house, 16:40so 16:42he went to a motel 16:44and 16:45he was very lonely. 16:47So Daddy called an old friend from high-school 16:49and then one thing led to another and... 16:54I- 16:55I dunno how to say this to you, Kevin, but... 16:58Daddy effed another man. 17:01Daddy effed another man, Kevin. 17:05Daddy called a man to his motel room, 17:08and Daddy effed that man. 17:11And it wasn't right, 17:13and it wasn't wrong... 17:16But Kevin, you needed to know. 17:19Because you need to know who your father really is. 17:24And with that in mind, Kevin, you need to keep this to yourself. 17:28Okay? 17:29Listen to me now, buddy. 17:30You have to keep it inside, Kevin. 17:32Hold it deep down inside and keep it away, Kevin! 17:36Because if it comes out, Kevin, 17:37the men will come and they will hurt us, Kevin! 17:40They'll cut us open 17:41and they'll paint the walls with our blood! 17:44and in big red letters, they'll write: 17:47THIS IS YOUR FAULT, KEVIN! 17:49(THIS IS YOUR FAULT, KEVIN!) THIS IS YOUR FAULT, KEVIN! 17:49(THIS IS YOUR FAULT, KEVIN!) 17:51THIS IS YOUR FAULT, KEVIN! (THIS IS YOUR FAULT, KEVIN!) 17:51THIS IS YOUR FAULT, KEVIN! 17:53(THIS IS YOUR FAULT, KEVIN!) THIS IS YOUR FAULT, KEVIN! 17:54(THIS IS YOUR FAULT, KEVIN!)

{music abruptly stops}
BIG KEVIN:
{quickly} Okay, goodnight Kevin.
{sound of a door slamming}

My Robot Messiah: WHO IS ALPHA-RED?[edit]

{music begins, radio static crackles throughout segment}


{whispering} Hello?
Is there anybody there?
Can you help me?
Can you help me find him?
Alpha-Red.
{a computer voice says something unintelligible}
Wait! Are you there?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello? {echoes}

The Force is a Brotherhood Transcript[edit]

19:46On the force, 19:48there's a Brotherhood. 19:51Men, sworn together by the bonds of duty. 19:55Brother and brother, 19:57hand in hand. 20:00In my hour of need, 20:02my brothers fight beside me. 20:05Fighting for the Brotherhood of the Force. 20:10On the Force, 20:11anything is possible. 20:13Brothers, fighting together, 20:15but it's not just brothers. 20:18It's brothers and fathers and sons! 20:22All fighting together in perfect time, 20:26for they have perfected the art of MURDER 20:30into a beautiful DANCE! 20:33They are a fighting dancing family 20:36of crime fighting men! 20:39Join The Force, 20:41and know what it means to have hot, 20:44brotherly blood pumping through your heart. 20:47Know the sweet embrace of your brothers 20:51after a hard day's patrol. 20:56ACT NOW! 20:58YOUR BROTHERS NEED YOU! 20:59ACT NOW! 21:00JOIN US! 21:01JOIN US NOW! 21:02THE TIME IS NOW! 21:04DON'T THINK ABOUT IT, JUST DO IT. 21:06JOIN US, RIGHT NOW! 21:08THIS VERY SECOND DO IT NOW! 21:13To join the brotherhood of The Force, 21:14please emit this sequence: 21:16HNNNNNN 21:17EEEEEEEEA 21:18OOOOOOOOH 21:19EHHHHHHHHHHHH 21:19BLEYUUUUUUUUGH

Force Stories: Life of Brothers Transcript[edit]

21:24I had three reasons to stay on the Brotherhood: 21:26Tommy, Johnny, and Jimmy. 21:28(Yeah!) 21:29Together we were invincible! 21:31The criminal slumlords were no match! 21:34(Unintelligible screaming) 21:35He's got my back! 21:36Brotherhood, go! 21:51WATCH OUT! 22:02Target neutralized! 22:06But sometimes, jealousy 22:08Hey, why weren't you at killing practice? 22:10turns to anger, 22:11None of your fuckin' business! 22:13Turns to something else entirely... 22:20Tommy? 22:22Johnny?

Please Give Me Back My Body Transcript[edit]

22:34I need my body. 22:35Do not take it from me. 22:37Do not take my body. 22:38I need my body! I need my body! 22:41Please don't take my body, please? 22:44I love my body please don't take it from me, please! 22:46Please I love my body. No, please! 22:48My body! My body! My body!! 22:51Please, please! 22:53Give me back my body. Give me back my body. Give me back my body. 22:55Please. 22:56Please give me back my body. 22:57Give me back my body. 22:58PLEASE give me back my body! 23:00Please!! 23:02Please give me back my body! 23:03(Please, please!) 23:04Please give me back my body! 23:06(Please, please!) 23:07Please give me back my body! 23:08(Please, please!) 23:09(Please?) Please give me back my body? 23:10Please give me back my body? 23:10(Please?!) Give me back my body?! 23:11Give me back my body?! 23:12(PLEEEEEEEEeeeeease) Please give me back my body! 23:13(PLEEEEEEEEeeeeease) Please, please? 23:14(pleeeeeeeEEEEEEEASE) Please give me back my body! 23:16(pleeeeeeeEEEEEEEASE) Please, please! 23:17(PLEEEEASE) Please give me back my body! 23:18(MYYYY) My body, please! 23:19(BODYYYYYYY) Please! 23:20(BODYYYYYYY) My body please! 23:21Give me back my body please! 23:22(PLEEEEEeeeease ) Give me back my body please! Give me back my body please! 23:24(pleeeeeeeEEEEASE) Give me back my body please! Give me back my body please! 23:27(PLEEEEEEEEASE) Give me back my body please! 23:28(BOOOODY) Give me back my body please! Give me back my body please! 23:29(BAAAAAAAAAAACK) Give me back my body please! Give me back my body please! 23:32(ooooooooooooohh) Please give me back my body my body my body. 23:34(ooooooooooohh!) Please give me back my body my body my body. 23:37(ahhhhhhhhhhhh) Please give me back my body my body my body. 23:39(AAHHHHHHHHHHH) 23:40My body. (AAHHHHHHHHHHH) 23:41(AAHHHHHHHHHHH) 23:42Please give me back my body. 23:43(Please give me back my body!) Please give me back my body. 23:43(Please give me back my body!) 23:45Please give me back my body. 23:45(Please give me back my body!) Please give me back my body. 23:46(Please give me back my body!) 23:47Please give me back my body. 23:48(Please give me back my body!) Please give me back my body. 23:48(Please give me back my body!) 23:50Please give me back my body! 23:50(Please give me back my body!) Please give me back my body! 23:51(Please give me back my body!) 23:52My body pleeeeeeeeeease! 23:54Give me back my body 23:55pleeeeeeEEEEEEeeeease! 23:56(Please please please!) pleeeeeeEEEEEEeeeease! 23:58(Please please please!) 23:59Give me back my body!

Something Terribly Offensive Transcript[edit]

24:07Okay I don't even know how to describe this. 24:09I was standing in line at the bank, 24:12and I'm about three people behind the first available teller. 24:17And the people are just like, sort of filing in and out going to the available tellers, 24:22suddenly it's my turn and the guy behind me, 24:24right before I go up, 24:26says something incredibly offensive! 24:31And so offensive that I don't even feel comfortable saying it. 24:35I would never say it. 24:38And the fact 24:40that anybody said that... 24:43Gets me kinda angry! 24:45And I'm lookin' at this guy... 24:48Eh what eh- the heck is goin' through your head 24:52that makes you think it's okay to talk to me like that? 24:56And so I grab him, 24:57I grab him hard 24:58and I BOP! 24:59I BOP him on the head with my head! 25:03I give him a head bop! 25:05Oh and he doesn't appreciate that. 25:08He'd rather not have that happen, 25:10that's for sure. 25:12But I BOP! 25:13I bop him again! 25:15And I say "don't you ever say that!" 25:20"You could hurt someone's feelings!" 25:24And he gets the message at that point. 25:27That's when he understands. 25:30It makes me- 25:31it makes me sick! 25:34It makes me sick to my stomach to even think about it. 25:38That someone could say that? 25:42I'm sorry to get so riled up, 25:44but you can't say that. 25:47You can't. 25:48Not anymore. 25:50You're lucky I don't get 25:52a little more serious with you, y'know? 25:55Cut your nuts off, huh? 25:58I'll do it, don't fuck with me man. 26:00Don't fuck with me, 26:01I'll fuck with your nuts, huh? 26:03I'll fuck them off! 26:05I'll cut you into little pieces, huh? 26:08You think I won't cut yah? 26:09You think I won't cut yah into little tiny chunks? 26:13You don't know me at all. 26:16Tell 'im boys! 26:18(Oh he'll- he'll chop 'im.) 26:18(Don't even let him, man.) (Oh he'll- he'll chop 'im.) 26:19(He's gonna chop you up!) (Don't even let him, man.) (Oh he'll- he'll chop 'im.) 26:19(He's gonna chop you up!) (Don't let him get) (Oh he'll- he'll chop 'im.) 26:20(He's gonna- he's gonna slice you dead) (the drop on you.) (don't fuck with this guy,) 26:22(He's gonna- he's gonna slice you dead) (he's the one, okay?) 26:23(if you don't look at 'im the right way...) (he's the one, okay?) 26:23Yeah. (if you don't look at 'im the right way...) 26:24(DEAD MEAT.) 26:25These are my boys and they're always with me. 26:28And they support what I say. 26:31Thank you, boys! 26:32(We made the boss happy.) 26:33(Yeah, yeah, yeah!) (We made the boss happy.) 26:34(Aw yeah, the boss is happy,) (Yeah, yeah, yeah!) 26:36(that means I'm- feelin' good!) 26:36Alright. (that means I'm- feelin' good!) 26:37(that means I'm- feelin' good!) 26:38So I'm not gonna cut you today. 26:40(Boss, "cut you some slack") 26:42I'm gonna cut you some... 26:43("Cut you some slack") 26:44You know, I think I'm gonna cut you today, some slack, huh? ("Cut you some slack") 26:45You know, I think I'm gonna cut you today, some slack, huh? 26:48It- I got it. I figured it out. 26:51I can handle it. 26:54You're givin' me a little bit TOO much, alright? 26:56I need you to back off, okay? 26:59Fuck off, boys! 27:01(Aw c'mon, boss, c'mon, man!) (Aw no! Aw dang it aw shit we screwed it up!) (Aw man, we made the boss upset, we didn't do it right...) 27:04(Aw no! Aw dang it aw shit we screwed it up!) (Aw man, we made the boss upset, we didn't do it right...) 27:05You know what? You know- 27:06I don't like saying "fuck off" to my boys. 27:10They don't deserve that. 27:13But that's the sort of person that I have to be. 27:18Because of people like you! 27:22You make it rotten for all of us! 27:27And it's JUST not fair! 27:29And I'm JUST not gonna take it anymore! 27:33YOU have to change! 27:37And I take his head 27:38into my hands... 27:41And I BOP 'im! 27:43One final time! 27:47And then he's gone.

My Robot Messiah: QUESTIONABLE ACTIVITIES Transcript[edit]

28:16Commander. 28:18Yes. 28:19We got word that he's in Mexico, but currently mobile. 28:23We're examining possible leads 28:26as to his current whereabouts, 28:29but so far we have nothing... 28:32Damn. 28:34Damn. 28:36Damn! 28:37Yes. 28:38Damn! 28:38Yes. 28:40Damn! 28:40I know. 28:42Damn!! 28:42I know! Damn!! 28:43I know! 28:44Damn!! 28:44I KNOW! 28:45I KNOW! 28:46DAMN!!! 28:46I KNOW!! DAMN!!! 28:48DAAAAAAAMN!! 28:48He's been engaged in some questionable activities. DAAAAAAAMN!! 28:52daaaaaAAAAAAAAMN!!! 28:52My men found locals in a small village. daaaaaAAAAAAAAMN!!! 28:56Raving lunatics who said their lives were erased. daaAAaAAaAAaAAMN!!! 28:59DaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!!!!! 29:00They say, that a perfect rain washed them clean. DaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!!!!! 29:05That's him... 29:06That's Alpha - Red.

Walk The Plank Transcript[edit]

29:42Listen here, 29:43magic man! 29:46We've had enough of your tricks. 29:49So you walk that plank, 29:52like a good boy... 29:54and we won't have to SLICE YA! 30:01What's he saying? 30:03Huh? What's he saying? 30:04(muffled) Take it off! 30:06I think he's saying take the rag out of his mouth. 30:09Oh I don't think so! 30:11You see, we're sick of your pretty words, magic man. 30:16Now walk that fuckin' plank. 30:23What's he saying? Is he saying gold? 30:26Gold? 30:27Gold! 30:28Goddamnit, gold! Did you hear that? 30:32Gold! Gold! Gold! Gold! 30:35Take that rag out of his mouth! 30:38Alright, magic man... 30:41you tell us where the gold is... 30:44or we kill ya. 30:47Of- 30:50Of course I'm gonna tell you where the gold is 30:53and let me just say, I've been on your side this whole time-- 30:56ENOUGH TALK MAGIC MAN, WHERE'S THE GOLD? 30:59There is gold, isn't there? 31:04(Slice him up! Slice him up! Slice him!) 31:06Gold, is such a fascinating 31:09adventure waiting, 31:10to be discovered, 31:11and let me just say, 31:12just, if I may, 31:13the gold we're finding will be good! 31:15(HOORAY!) the gold we're finding will be good! 31:16Now you are all so enterprising, 31:19it's not surprising that 31:20gold and finding it, 31:21could make the best of you turn violent 31:24even though you know I'm your friend 31:25and I'll stand by you 'til your end 31:26(ooooooooooooooo) 31:27And I'm your friend, yes I'm your friend (ooooooooooooooo) 31:28And I love you (ooooooooooooooo) 31:29and I never ever want to see you go (ooooooooooooooo) 31:31Yes a true friend, not a new friend 31:33What we'll do friends is we'll finally catch a glimpse 31:35of GOLD! 31:37is such a fascinating 31:38Adventure waiting 31:40to be discovered 31:41(Where is the gold, where do we find it?) 31:43(We want the gold right now!) 31:46My friends, the gold you seek 31:48is at the bottom of this very sea. 31:50(But we'll drooooooooooooown!) 31:52Not so! Just listen to me! (But we'll drooooooooooooown!) 31:55With the sweet promise of gold, (But we'll drooooooooooooown!) 31:56With the sweet promise of gold, 31:56(With the gooooooooooooold!) With the sweet promise of gold, 31:57(With the gooooooooooooold!) your hearts will beat long after the air 32:00your hearts will beat long after the air 32:00(Down. Down. Down. Down.) stales in your lungs. 32:02(Down. Down. Down. Down.) Swim deep as you can 32:04(Down. Down. Down. Down.) AND NEVER THINK OF THE SURFACE AGAIN! 32:05AND NEVER THINK OF THE SURFACE AGAIN! 32:09*maniacal laugh* 32:11(And I'm your friend, yes I'm your friend,) 32:13(And I love you and I never ever want to see you go but) 32:16(If you go now, you can find it, you can mine it, you can touch it) 32:17(gold... gold... gold....) (If you go now, you can find it, you can mine it, you can touch it) 32:20(Gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold!) 32:23Now walk that motherfuckin' plank! (Gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold!) 32:26(Gold is such a fascinating) 32:28(adventure waiting) 32:29(to be discovered) 32:30(Walking the plank to get our gold and) 32:33(walking the plank to DIE!) 32:35(Now you are all so enterprising, it's not surprising that) 32:39(gold and finding it-) 32:40(Walking the plank is what we want and) 32:42(walking the plank is FINE!) 32:45(Gold!) 32:46(Gold!) 32:46(Gold!) 32:47(Gold!) 32:47(Gold!) 32:48(Gold!) 32:49(Gold!) 32:49(Gold!) 32:50Do what you're told, 32:52go get the gooooooooold!

You Have To Relax Transcript[edit]

33:07Okay. 33:09Okay. 33:10The first thing you're gonna wanna do is relax. 33:15And that's gonna start with 33:17two sharp shallow exhales 33:20from deep inside your person. 33:24And everything's fine. 33:26Everything's normal. 33:28This, is normal. 33:31Focus on the moment. 33:33Keep the moment in the present. 33:37Because everything is here (everything is here) 33:39And now (and now) 33:41And okay (and okay). 33:43Remain relaxed (remain relaxed) 33:45And calm (and calm). 33:47Nobody wants to harm you. 33:49There are no threats. 33:51You are not insane (you are not insane). 33:54You are not insane (you are not insane). 33:56YOU are your brain (you are your brain). 33:59YOU are your brain (you are your brain). 34:03I want you to take two more 34:05sharp, shallow breaths 34:08and allow yourself to contemplate a moment 34:11of true infinite consciousness. 34:22FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 34:24YOU! (FREEEEEEEEEEEE) 34:26WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! (WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!) 34:30REMEMBER YOUR PURPOSE! 34:32RETURN TO TIME AND SPACE! (RETURN) 34:34RETURN 34:35RETURN 34:36RETURN 34:37RETURN (RETURN) 34:40What did you see? 34:42What did you see? 34:44What did you see? 34:45Where did it go? (Where did it go?) 34:46What's in your (What's in your brain?) 34:49And how do YOU know? (And how do YOU know?) 34:52You are! 34:53You ARE insane! (You are insane!) 34:56You are insane! (You are!) 34:57You are! 34:59There is a bug in your brain! (There is a bug in your brain!) 35:01There is a bug in your brain! (There is a bug!) 35:05There is a bug in your brain that makes you insane! 35:10What can you do? (They'll lock you away.) 35:13What can you do?! (They'll lock you away) (Who knows about this?!) 35:16THEY'LL LOCK YOU AWAY. 35:18PUT THE BUG IN THIS BRAIN. 35:20PUT THE BUG IN THAT BRAIN. 35:22PUT THE BUG IN THEIR BRAIN. 35:24YOU'RE NOT INSANE, PUT THE BUG IN THEIR BRAIN. 35:28THEY'LL LOCK YOU AWAY! 35:30YOU ARE NOT INSANE, PUT THE BUG IN THEIR BRAIN!

My Robot Messiah: SALE EL SOL Transcript[edit]

35:55Commander, 35:57we're losing his trail. 36:00We need more to go on. 36:05We could be talking about a global catastrophe. 36:11*sigh* 36:14Sir, 36:15I think you have responsibility 36:18to stop this. 36:23Tell me, 36:25where is the boy? 36:27Where is Alpha-Red's son? 36:32My men found a pit of naked starving men, 36:37scratching each other to death, chanting: 36:41SALE EL SOL. SALE EL SOL. SALE EL SOL. SALE EL SOL. 36:49We've known from the very start. 36:53No. 36:55No. 36:57No. 36:58He isn't like Alpha-Red. 37:00He isn't like Alpha-Red. 37:02He isn't like Alpha-Red. 37:06He has time. 37:09He has time. 37:13He has time. 37:14And I need to keep him safe. 37:18And I need to keep him safe. 37:24And I need to keep him safe. 37:29And I need to keep him safe. 37:36And I need to keep him safe.

Cruisin on my Bike Transcript[edit]

37:44Yo! 37:45You see this fuckin' bike?! 37:48Step off. 37:50(Look at the bike!) 37:51It's my bike! It's my bike! 37:51(Look at the bike!) It's my bike! It's my bike! 37:52It's my bike! It's my bike! 37:52(Look at the bike!) It's my bike! It's my bike! 37:53(Look at the bike!) 37:54cruisin' on my bike tryna pick up chicks 37:56I'm cruisin' on my bike gonna see what sticks 37:56(Look at the bike!) I'm cruisin' on my bike gonna see what sticks 37:57I'm cruisin' on my bike gonna see what sticks 37:59(Look at my bike!) cruisin' on my bike and I feel alright 38:01cruisin' on my bike in the middle of the night 38:04and I'm CRUISIN' 38:07CRUISIN ON MY BIKE 38:10CRUISIN 38:12I’ll fuckin' kill you if you don't look at my bike! 38:15cruisin' on my bike and everyone’s watchin' 38:18they wanna see a trick but I ain't stoppin' 38:20cruisin' on my bike 'til the end of my days 38:23cruisin' on my bike 'til they take it away 38:26cruisin' on my bike go head first into traffic 38:28cruisin' on my bike now I'm dead but I'm laughin' 38:31'cause I'm CRUISIN' 38:35look at this motherfuckin' bike! 38:37this bike, this bike, look at this fuckin' bike 38:39this bike, this bike, look at this fuckin' bike 38:43I cry for this bike 38:45I'd die for this bike! 38:47Now I’m up in heaven, not a bike in sight 38:49God comes up to me says “are you quite alright?” 38:52I say "God, I need a bike, bikin’s my whole life" 38:55he says "well now you ain't living, so I guess that's life?" 38:57I say "FUCK YOU God, if I had my bike, 39:00I’d tire up your face and 720 your spine!" 39:03"Hey! Whoa what the fuck? Chill out, bitch 39:05your bike’s over there, I even had it fixed." 39:08I walk right past him and SPIT on his robe 39:11"THAT BIKE WASN’T BROKEN YOU MOTHER FUCKING DOPE!" 39:19I pick up my bike, it’s light as a feather, 39:22a thousand times faster and better than ever 39:24I bike up a mountain in ten seconds flat 39:27I bike into space, don't need a fucking map! 39:29But it doesnt feel right, this ain't my bike 39:32it's like what someone thinks my bike might be like 39:35I don’t care about speed, I don't care about space 39:37I just wanna fucking bike so get the FUCK OUT MY FACE! 39:42Yeah I'm on a bike! 39:43And I need a fuckin' bike! 39:46And if you ever wanna fight, 39:48just touch my motherfuckin' bike!

American Odyssey: The Immigrant Song Transcipt[edit]

{music starts}
ANNOUNCER:
Thank you for joining us, welcome to American Odyssey: The True Story of Real Thuddy Drums.
Our hero is Real Thuddy Drums, American Music Icon, known for the innovative use of his perfectly crafted half-shell strap-on drum set.
Several years ago, Real Thuddy Drums turned away massive success in America and pursued for truth.
He traveled the world, eventually making his way to the small village where our story begins...
THE SON:
Ok, just, before we go in there, I have to tell you, my dad... is really... weird... about immigration.
THE SON'S FRIEND:
Okay. That's fine we just won't talk about it.
THE SON:
Oh we're gonna talk about it. He wouldn't allow that.
Just, don't even try to fight it. Really.
Just- you're gonna get caught up in it, so just go with it. Alright?
{sighs}
{whispers} Okay.
REAL THUDDY DRUMS:
Boys, you have perfect timing!
I just had the loudest thought about immigration!
I thought, what would I do?
What would I say,
if I saw one of them "dark fellas" hoppin' that fence?
Well I'll tell ya what I'd say!
{singing} Pleased to meet you,
so good to see you!
Thank you for coming,
I betcha feel great!
I don't know you,
but I wanna show you
how glad I am,
now that you came into the States.
And why is that, boys?
'Cause I love you!
BOYS:
Yes we love you!
REAL THUDDY DRUMS:
And yes I adore you!
BOYS:
And yes we adore you!
REAL THUDDY DRUMS:
You are special
BOYS:
You are special
REAL THUDDY DRUMS:
In every way!
BOYS:
In every way!
You're a marvel,
REAL THUDDY DRUMS:
You are a marvel!
BOYS:
and you are a master,
REAL THUDDY DRUMS:
And you are a master!
BOYS:
and what's inside you,
REAL THUDDY DRUMS:
And what's inside you
BOYS:
is what makes you great.
REAL THUDDY DRUMS:
is what makes you great.
BOYS:
You're a mystery!
REAL THUDDY DRUMS:
You are a mystery!
BOYS:
The greatest in history!
REAL THUDDY DRUMS:
The greatest in history!
Won't you treat me, to your wisdom and your grace.
BOYS:
For the doubters,
REAL THUDDY DRUMS:
For the doubters!
BOYS:
the faithless and broken,
REAL THUDDY DRUMS:
The faithless and broken!
BOYS:
hear these words and
REAL THUDDY DRUMS:
Hear these words and
BOYS:
know that you are safe
REAL THUDDY DRUMS:
know that you are safe!
Pleased to meet you!
And so good to see you!
Thank you for coming!
I betcha feel great!
I may not know you!
But I wanna show you!
Just how glad I am
that you came into the States!
{music ends}

My Robot Messiah: SEVERED CONNECTION[edit]

43:18We found a body last night, in the States. 43:23It matches our data. 43:27How did he die? 43:29Severed connection. 43:37There's so much we still don't know... 43:43Bring his head to the lab. 43:53Bring his head to the lab. 43:58Bring his head to the lab. 44:03Bring his head to the lab. 44:14Bring his head to the lab. 45:16*Heavy, guttural breathing*

Episode Changes[edit]

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Episode 1 Changes[edit]

changes

Episode 2 Changes[edit]

changes

Episode 3 Changes[edit]

changes

Behind the Scenes[edit]

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Trivia[edit]

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See Also[edit]

ALPHA-RED

External Links[edit]

Trials Part One on the *Minute Hour* website
Trials Part One on YouTube
[Trials Part One on SoundCloud]