That's A Nice Grill

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Season Four: Relay
RelayPartOne.png
"That's A Nice Grill"
Season 4 Episode 1 (52nd Episode)
Run Time 4:13
Release Date January 21, 2017
Characters Griller, Grillee, Child
Music "Welcome Back / Perturbator's Theme" by Perturbator
Album Relay Part One
Category Sketch
Previous Episode Next Episode
New Sheriff The Heartland

"That's A Nice Grill" is the first episode of Relay and the 52nd episode overall. It is a sketch about a man who loves grilling so much that he wants to be grilled alive, and his friend who has second thoughts. There are three unnamed characters in this episode: the Griller, the Grillee, and the Grillee's son.

Transcript[edit]

GRILLER:
Well you know what man, I just gotta tell ya, that's a really nice grill you got there.
That's a really nice grill you got there, man.
GRILLEE:
It's nice, right?
GRILLER:
It's really nice.
GRILLEE:
It's really nice.
GRILLER:
It's really nice.
GRILLEE:
It's really nice.
GRILLER:
It's really nice.
GRILLEE:
It's really nice.
It's really nice.
GRILLEE:
Check out this part right here, lemme just open it up.
{sound of the lid being opened}
GRILLEE:
Ohh...
GRILLER:
Oh yeah!
GRILLEE:
Uh-huh.
GRILLER:
Oh.
GRILLEE:
Yeah.
Then I'll close it.
{sound of the lid slamming closed}
GRILLER:
Oh, there it goes.
GRILLEE:
And I bring it back up.
{sound of the lid opening}
GRILLER:
Yeah, here it is again!
GRILLEE:
Yeah.
GRILLER:
Oh, it's really nice.
GRILLEE:
It's really nice.
GRILLER:
It's really nice.
GRILLEE:
It is really nice.
GRILLEE:
Watch this right here.
{sound of a knob being turned, gas flowing, and a lighter clicking}
GRILLEE:
Here.
{sound of a flame igniting, sound of the lit grill then continues in the background indefinitely}
GRILLEE:
Ah!
GRILLER:
Oh!
GRILLEE:
Mm!
GRILLER:
Ho ho,
GRILLEE:
Yeah...
GRILLER:
Whoa whoa-oh
GRILLEE:
Oh, yeah...
GRILLER:
Whoa... Jeez, holy cow!
{laughing nervously}
GRILLEE:
{sighs} It's a beautiful thing.
GRILLER:
Mmm, hmm. It really is. It really is beautiful. Yeah.
GRILLEE:
Can I ask you something?
GRILLER:
Yeah, man.
GRILLEE:
Pretty serious?
GRILLER:
Yeah, of course.
{long pause}
GRILLEE:
Will you grill me on this grill?
{very long pause}
GRILLER:
Wh-wow...
GRILLEE:
Is that crazy?
GRILLER:
N-no!
GRILLEE:
Hmm, is that crazy?
GRILLER:
Y-you know I... you know... Well you know I... Well, you know I wouldn't be one to say...really. You know who am I to-
GRILLEE:
I... hate... living.
GRILLER:
{very quietly} Mmm-hmm...
GRILLEE:
I hate my family.
GRILLER:
{very quietly} mm...
{long pause}
GRILLEE:
But I love grilling.
{very long pause} I don't see any other option.
{pause}
GRILLER:
Well... {pause}
That sounds like a really tough situation, man.
And I just want you to know that...
GRILLEE:
It has to be done.
GRILLER:
...I'm here for you and...
GRILLEE:
It has to be done.
{smacks lips}
It has to be done. It has to be done. Alright?
{louder} It has to be done! Okay? Let's do it!
{hyperventilating}
GRILLER:
You know, is it even big enough?
{ominous music starts}
GRILLEE:
{furiously} What?!
{loudly} What...
the FUCK
does that mean?!
GRILLER:
{quietly} I... I didn't...
GRILLEE:
You don't think this grill,
is big enough
to grill me?!
GRILLER:
{quietly} I mean... I didn't, h-
GRILLEE:
This grill,
can grill ANYTHING!
It's you...
GRILLER:
Me?
GRILLEE:
YOU!
GRILLER:
Me...
GRILLEE:
You don't have the BALLS to grill me!
You don't have the BALLS to close the lid!
It's you!
Well it's not your choice anymore! 'Cause I'm getting grilled today! And when I'm crispy and done, you better empty the grease tray...
OR MY SOUL... WILL HAUNT THIS GRILL...
FOR ETERNITY!
GRILLER:
I...I just...
GRILLEE:
I'm going in.
GRILLER:
Please don't...
GRILLEE:
{breathes heavily}
GRILLEE:
Please don't! Please!
GRILLEE:
Okay, okay...
GRILLER:
Oh my God...
GRILLEE:
{SCREAMING} YES! YEEES! CLOSE THE LID! CLOSE THE LID!
{sound of the lid slamming shut}
GRILLER:
OH MY GOOOOOD!
GRILLEE:
YEEES! OH, I CAN FEEL IT INSIDE ME!
THE FIRE IS INSIDE MEEEEE!
GRILLEE:
{banging on the inside of the lid} DON'T LET ME OUT!
GRILLER:
Oh...fuck!
GRILLEE:
DON'T LET ME OUT! PLEAAASEEE!
PLEASE, DON'T LET ME OUT!
DON'T LET ME OUT!
DON'T LET ME OUT!
PLEAAASEEE!
PLEASE DON'T LET ME-
{screaming}
{sound of a sliding door opening}
CHILD:
Daddy? Where's my daddy?
GRILLER:
Oh God...oh God.
CHILD:
{crying} Where's my daddy?!
GRILLER:
Oh God...
{vomits}
CHILD:
What did you do?! What did you do to my daddy?!
GRILLER:
I'm sorry... I'm sorry I have to go! I'm sorry!
{car door closes, engine starts}
{Grillee's taunts echo back and forth}


GRILLEE:
{loudly and clearly} YOU BETTER EMPTY THE GREASE TRAY!
{music cuts out}
{sound of car swerving out of control}
GRILLER:
{screaming} OH SHIT!
{sound of car crashing}
{music resumes}

Album Version Changes[edit]

  • Before the Grillee steps into the grill there is a sound of a belt, followed by The Griller saying "Please don't do that. Please don't undress."
  • The ending is slightly different, with different taunts and the phrase "you better empty the grease tray" repeated to the beat several times after the car crash.

Behind the Scenes[edit]

  • The music used in this episode is "Welcome Back / Perturbator's Theme" by Perturbator

Adaptations[edit]

  • This episode is the inspiration for one of the tarot cards

External Links[edit]

That's A Nice Grill on YouTube
That's A Nice Grill on SoundCloud